313 comments on “How to hold a hamburger properly.

  1. I love hamburgers, but I must admit after reading your post, I’m a total dumbass. Apparently for 50 years I have been holding my hamburgers wrong. Thanks for setting me straight!

    Congrats on being freshly Grilled…oops, I mean Freshly Pressed.

    Mr. Bricks

  2. i hold the burger with one hand and then the other hand tears it into bite size dunk it to ketchup for me to eat, talk about unique and hygienic way of eating! hahah πŸ˜› armf!

  3. HAHA! This is really cool! And because of reading this, I am in total pain right now..hunger attacks! LOL..gonna buy some cheeseburger later! πŸ™‚

    And oh! I eat like a kid…So, guess I’m normal? πŸ˜‰

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  5. Every time hey play a commercial about how sloppy a burger is because of how much stuff is on it I just can’t help but think “No, it’s because the person holding it isn’t doing it right and is letting all the stuff fall out.” Glad I’m not the only one who thinks like that!

  6. My friends and I had this debate once because we were trying to determine the proper way to hold a burger while reducing the amount of burger hand you get. Burger hand is the all encompassing smell of burger that envelops your hand after eating a burger that can’t just be washed off, it has to wear off. These matters are of the utmost importances. haha!

  7. Congratulations on getting onto ‘Freshly Pressed’. I don’t like getting my hands messy, OCD. Any tips on holding said fast food without having to worry about my hands all day? Really good post. πŸ™‚

  8. I feel the same way about commercials showing people drinking coffee’s or latte’s with whipped cream….then I realize that there isn’t anything in their cup an the whipped cream is fake!

  9. damn cool, i never though eating a messy food would have the right way of doing it. I eat burgers biting all round it and then moving to it’s center. Thaks for the pointers.

  10. The Wendy’s guy is holding it wrong because fast food hamburgers never look all plump and juicy like that. So, he is obviously very confused. As for the look in his eye, I think he’s just relishing the fact that he just had a massive episode of flatulence.

  11. hahah! yeah I thought of that too. I think people in hamburger commercials don’t eat the burger like in real life.

  12. Finally someone has addressed this important issue…haha…now i can confidently criticise people’s burger holding technics withou sounding like an A-hole!!!

    • No, that ain’t just you!
      I’ve eaten pedantic, beautiful looking burgers that were just ‘meh’.
      And then I’ve eaten some pieces of total disaster that tasted like heaven!
      Had a burger once when I was in New York, out on Coney Island (forget the name of the place), and it looked like some kind of colourful but brutally failed art school project, but I almost had a burgasm eating it! πŸ˜€

      -Micke/ Umea, Sweden

  13. Great burger eating techniques! Couldn’t you find anything else to write a post on? I guess if you could, that wouldn’t be this hilarious.

  14. This is the most thought provoking at the same time funny post I have read in recent times… πŸ™‚ Your choice of the second picture demonstrating the lack of table manners is particularly good. I lived in the US for 5 years and mostly avoided burgers for this very same reason because I was scared that I would make a big mess out of that. πŸ™‚

  15. Very funny and interesting post…. But its important to learn how to hold a hamburger. My girlfriend also rude over me one day, that day i didn’t know how to hold it. hahahaha, its really funny.

  16. Pingback: Yummy Hamburger or Juicy Steak Burger? « dadscookgoodfood

  17. This subject really touches a sweet spot! I’ve come to approach it a bit from the other side, why don’t burger joints design the things to be more usable, easy to handle? Perhaps it would render us blank, without experiences to share? πŸ˜‰

  18. Best line I’ve read today: “Eat like you just don’t give a damn.” PS: I do *not* hold my burger like a sissy, but I do embarrass the people I’m with by eating like it’s a full contact sport.

  19. In the commercial for the hamburger u need to show a great deal of passion… the actors need to make an impression that they are seriously hungry, they don’t have time for the science of grabbing Hamburger…a passionate and unsystematic way of grabbing hamburger actually indicates the awesomeness of the food… πŸ™‚

  20. ha ha,it was funny:)As I don`t like this type of fast food(I prefer sandwiches and so on)but i will be useful for my elder brother:He is Hamburgerer;)I`l tell him this:)

  21. To cast those burger commercials, they have a stream of hundreds of actors come in, hold a burger, and bite it. If the casting people don’t like the way they do it, the actor is shuffled out and a new one takes their place. This can go on for hours. If the average person holds a burger the normal way, the casting people are looking for one that holds it different. One that holds it in such a bizarre way that you can see all the burger filling AS THEY EAT IT. It makes no sense, but there it is.

  22. Ha ha ha! I can’t believe this post. I made the exact same comments about burger holding the other day. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never held a hamburger like shown in the 3rd picture. Who directs this stuff anyway?

  23. Well fucking done. But I will add I am not a fan of the double grip technique. I usually like to single palm my burger so I can leave my other hand free for amenities such as beer or the occasional fistful of fries.

    • Hilarious! So true! I know you are not going to like this, but do the same principles apply to a veggie burger? Or should we cut that bad boy with a knife and fork. Maybe you need to unleash the sequal….How to Properly Eat a Veggie Burger. I am laughing already thinking about what you would say! Congrats on FP – this was great!

  24. I tend to use the wrapping paper to keep the burger from falling apart while I’m eating it, keeping it “half-wrapped” until I, for obvious reasons, have to move (or remove) the paper to get at the last few bites.

    • Yes! I think that probably most people who hold their burgers in “dumbass fashion” do so to avoid drippage of condiments or meat juices onto their dainty fingertips. I use the keep-it-in-the-paper method, thereby keeping my fingers clean while also keeping said delicious meat juices safely and securely within the perimeter of the burger.

      I also combine my technique with the circular eating technique. I eat the “crust” off the exposed portion of the burger then ever so gently lift and rotate the burger within the wrapper.

  25. hahaha it’s not a rocket science at all as even a baby can do it perfectly! but anyway thanx for the tips bud! this really makes me wanna get a byte on a burger right away!

    theothertuesday

  26. Pingback: I Have A Freshly Pressed Husband – He Always Wins! « Diary Of A PHAT Kat

  27. Personally I love it when they are in a wrapper so the juice, ketchup, and mustard doesn’t run down my arm. Otherwise I cut them in half, unless I am really hungry and wolf it!
    Funny post and congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

    • Exactly, I’m a cut-in-half fan too and, even then, I still might need both hands. I’m impressed that Burger King has a button on their cash registers for cut in half.

  28. entertaining post. It’s been so long since I’ve had a burger I’m not even sure what the hand grip is anymore.
    Still….I wish you had better luck finding a more detailed picture. I’ve never held a burger like that baby is holding that toy. Seems like everything would go squiring out the other end.

    Congrats on the freshly pressed too!

  29. We recently acquired a hamburger joint called Five Guys. I get the burg (standard is a double patty, the kid burger is a single) with cheese and “everything” An oozing, slathering delight. The meat crumbles the way a patty of the barbeque might. I add the cajun style fries. More food than anyone should eat.
    It comes in a bag, so I split the bag open like a placemat, unwrap the burg from the foil, place two hands around it, and lean over the place mat. You do not want any of this getting on your clothes. Oh my gosh, I am so wanting another right now.
    Thanks for the read.

  30. The individual who has the burger positioned between his fingers should have burger-eating privileges revoked indefinitely and should be forced to consume cucumber sandwiches and weak tea.

    C-shape is acceptable when burger is a triple-decker. I checked Emily Post just to be sure.

  31. great post! a hamburger should be held with both hands just to make sure it isn’t going anywhere!! πŸ˜›

  32. Hm…I will notice how “Man vrs Food” guy holds a 2 foot hamburger next time! He eats some of the craziest burgers! Great post and what a funny blog! πŸ™‚

  33. You’ve got to not be scared to make a mess πŸ˜€ I love burgers, but whenever I have them i make SUCH a mess, which somehow makes it taste better!

  34. Dude! I so appreciate the tips. I will have to carry a mirror with me to ensure I do not look like a moron when I’m chowin’ down πŸ˜‰

    Congrats on Being Freshly Pressed!!!!

  35. The best way to hold a hamburger is by holding it in one hand and having a drink in the other hand. This ensures that you can digest your food as quickly as possible. Plus, they make a great mixture.

  36. Actors hold the hamburger differently so you can see the burger they are eating. Thats the whole point of the commercial to see the burger.

  37. The topic/ concept of this blog post is ingenius! I would’ve never thought about it, until you brought it to my attention. Now each time I see somebody hold a hamburger, I will notice the way the burger is being held. Hilarious and congrats on being freshly pressed! πŸ˜€

  38. I’m usually starving if I end up eating a burger. There is no time for poise or politeness, it’s a “GET IN MY BELLY” kinda thing. I’ve been told that I eat them upside down too πŸ˜› All in the name of speed my friends!

  39. haha that was awesome. some people just don’t understand the intricacies involved in eating like a man. glad someone out here as the balls to say it.

  40. Congrats to Kat’s hubby on the FP!! You are truly the man to look up to! But now, how will you top this? πŸ˜› I look forward to more!

  41. I’ll never eat a hamburger again without being conscious of how I’m holding it….and I’ll be judging others by their method. “You want to be my friend? Here. Eat this hamburger first. Sorry, you’re an a-hole. Buh-bye.”

  42. This is such an awesome post. Thank goodness there’s someone around to teach the right way to eat a burger! I definitely agree with the full contact with the palm and the circular eating – works great with a big mac! Congrats on being freshly pressed – your teachings will reach far and wide (or farther and wider than they already are!). πŸ™‚

  43. I have small hand, so when I have a big burger it looks like a squirrel holding a big acorn! Also the art of Burrito eating may be another good topic, I say a guy eat one like a hot dog, it was an awesome mess!

  44. your post was fun and cleverly delicious.We shared it with our fans….and yes.
    “Eat like you just don’t give a damn!” Stay Hungry!

  45. I like that you’ve chosen to ignore the growing amount of people who try the eat larger burgers with a knife and folk! Fools, they need to read your guide

  46. Your hilarious! haha I’ve been doing it wrong it seems for so long. I really like the comments on the picture with the zealous burger eater and the distressed girlfriend in the background πŸ˜€

  47. I hold my burger different ways each time I eat one. Why? It all depends what I put on my burger. Sometimes my burger has so much stuff on it, I have to cut it in half in order to eat it. Sometimes, I have to wrap a napkin around the bottom of it so that stuff doesn’t fall out. What can I say? I’m the flamboyant burger-holder type.

    Great blog, btw…

    val
    valentinedefrancis.wordpress.com

  48. ask yourself a few times while you are eating β€œdo I look like a moron?”

    This was my favorite line… haha

  49. I loved this post! Simply hilarious! My grandpa always told me the only way to eat a sandwich (or a burger) is to never put it down. So it has always bothered me to watch the people who take nibbles and set it down 50 effing times and pick it back up for each little bite. It’s a burger people. Indulge.

  50. Those carls jr. ads were probably some of the most disgusting hamburger ads in history. Did they really need to have junk dripping out all over the floor and clothing. Uncalled for.

  51. Great post. That’s science! (lol) I remember once a kid teaching his little sister that the proper name was “handburger” – because you eat them with the hands. I got amazed with the idea!

  52. I’m glad to see somebody noticing this kind of thing. My big beef (huh) with some burger places is when they put the lettuce and stuff on the bottom then the meat on top. Subway has a policy to make their sandwiches upside-down. I have to ask them to put the meat on the bottom and sometimes it blows their mind and they just don’t understand. Everyone knows the meat goes on the bottom. There seems to be some sort of conspiracy afoot where upside down burgers and sandwiches are trying to freak us out. Perhaps they are trying to make us more succeptable to government mind-control.

  53. It’s sad that an infant knows how to properly eat a burger but grown adults try to be cute with it. It’s a hamburger for crying out loud. And usually a fast food one at that. Its not a meal you’ll be sharing with the Queen of England, so enjoy it like the piece of meat that it is.

  54. I really enjoyed reading your post! Burgers are one of my favorite foods and I’ve never even thought about a proper way to hold one before now. I’ll be sure to take your advice and look to see the next time I am holding one if I look like a moron or not! πŸ™‚

  55. too freakin’ funny. i had a peanut butter and jelly cheese burger last friday at Lucky’s Last Chance in Manayunk, Philadelphia, PA. Followed by a egg, ham and cheese burger. No shit!

    • Egg, ham and cheese burger, fine, its like a breakfast hamburger – awesome idea, but PB n J? Don’t know about that, sounds like something I might give to an unwilling (and rude) customer at 3 am during the “drunk rush” who ordered something with just ketchup! πŸ™‚

  56. I eat my burgers with a fork and a knife. In my defense, I’m afraid if people saw how far I can open my mouth, they might move their children away from me in restaurants. On second thought…

  57. Hilarious! I’m going to check how I hold a burger next time I have one! πŸ™‚ Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!

  58. We ate a huge hamburger last week. The reason I say “we” is because it was so big we had to share it but what a terrible mess it was. All the good stuff kept falling out the back of it. Practically needed a beach towel to clean up. Great blog! Made me laugh. Keep on writing.

  59. hahaha! true that! well, in real life we dont really have to weird a hamburger in a weird way coz it’s not like we’re showing the people around us what’s inside. :p

  60. The main thing that matters is covering the bottom of the wrapped burger so nothing falls out. (The burger should be held at an angle so the wrapper acts as a water tight container.)

  61. one of the most practical burger posts i have ever read on any blog. there haven’t been that many posts on buger-eating, but that’s beside the point. and now there don’t need to be any more. this one says it all.
     
    chow on! thanks for sharing.
     
    and congrats on FP!!

  62. Outstanding dude! Who would have thought that there will be some sort of technicalities when it comes to handling a burger? Pure awesomeness! LMFAO

  63. I have been wondering sometimes too on how to properly hold and eat hamburgers. πŸ™‚ I have my own share of messy and successful hamburger escapades too. Thank you for sharing this. The next time I order a huge burger, I’ll remember your post πŸ™‚

  64. I’ve yet to see a burger or sub sandwich look like it does on TV either, but then again, does anything?

    Funny post and educational. Two thumbs up! (Sorry – underneath and supportive.)

  65. Look at this… I don’t eat such stuff that often because my hands are smeary after it. I like this post. Maybe I remember it when eating my next hamburger πŸ˜‰

  66. This is what blogging, social media, and the Internet is for; sense we (men) no longer have pool halls, gas stations, and drug stores to hang out and learn what it is to be a man.
    I’m going to make sure every father I know reads this blog to his son.
    Thanks, you’re a credit to your gender.
    Kenton Lewis

  67. LOL, great post. I must be doing something right because I rarely spill any filling when I eat a burger. Minimal patty sliding, too. The Man VS Food guy can give followup tutorials on how to eat a burger the size of your head.

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  69. Amazeballs!!!! I was heartily laughing while reading this post! I had a full on 20 min conversation once with an extra who was telling me about a food eating commercial workshop he went to + he proceeded to demonstrate the proper tv face + chew method. It was the best.

  70. On commercials they never address the issue that sometimes the patty slides free despite your best tightly-gripped efforts, and often you just have to disassemble and repack the burger. There’s no shame in it.

    • For shame! Instead of ketchup and mustard, try rubber cement as a condiment. This keeps everything nicely in place and allows you to hallucinate that you’re eating more burgers just minutes after finishing the first. Also, since you’re not supposed to ingest it; I am pretty sure that it is zero calories.

  71. What a fun, weird and awesome topic for a post. Just loved it. I have to eat my hamburgers slightly different as I like to have so many pickles on it that I need a separate pile of them to stuff in my face. I have a one-handed hold on the burger and the other hand free for pickle access. πŸ™‚

  72. Interesting burger/etiquette fact: you are technically supposed to cut your burger in half.

    Of course, if you’re ordering a burger when you’re concerned about table etiquette, you’re probably doing it wrong.

  73. I’m a vegetarian, but I loved this article! My hypothesis is that the reason actors hold the burgers at the very edges with both hands is to give the illusion of a bigger burger. I usually burst out laughing at advertisers trying to insult my intelligence with a grown man with huge hands cupping a mini-burger with both hands!

  74. I’ll tell you how to hold a hamburger properly: any way you need to in order to ensure that 90% of it doesn’t squirt out the back of the bun and land on your plate or your lap while you’re eating it. Beyond that, who cares?

  75. I only make the “big mouth” burgers! Okay, now you got me hungry. The good news is its “bbq’ season and grilling burgers, with all of the topping, is on my to-do list. Thanks for your POV.
    ~Cheers.

    Ed

  76. lol, well deserved on the freshly pressed. love your writing and sense of humor. i treat myself to a 5 guys burger when i get that urge to indulge, i’m sure i will be conscious now as how NOT to look like the fellows in this post but maybe more like the adorable little toddler? lol. great read. keep posting.

  77. *Bad parent alert*

    My son is 16 months old, and had his first burger only last week:

    Personally, I think he’s done pretty good for a first-timer!
    Loved this blog πŸ™‚

  78. Love it, too funny. I thought I was the only person obsessed with people who eat in such awkward ways.

  79. Hahahahahahahaa..you really answer my wonder and uncertainty with eating hamburger properly in a good sense of humour. Holding hamburger stuff is the reason why I always avoid ordering hamburger when I have to eat out of home, or on the trip! Might sound ridiculous but that’s how it is πŸ˜€ Now I am ready to get my hands dirty! LOL..

  80. Hahahaahaha… hilarious! This is so true. I think you have discovered that there is a market for a behavior consultant on these commercial shoots. I think this would be a pretty great job. I can totally attest to the fact that actors are usually being coached by strange ad agency types who aren’t familiar with our Earthling ways and customs. They’re the same people behind those stupid sneakers that look like gloves for feet.

  81. My strategy is to never let go of the burger. Once you commit to it, you must stay with it. Keep at least one hand on it at all times if you must partake in a french fry.

  82. good stuff, I notice this stuff too often as we go out for a delicious bar burger once a week. you can really tell the “tourists” who really don’t have a clue how to enjoy a burger with gusto.

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  84. There’s a lot of good “take home” knowledge here. Honestly, I never knew a burger long enough to actually consider technique before.

  85. never knew there was a science for holding hamburgers. i kinda wanna call them handburgers now. great stuff!

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  87. This post is just awesome, who would have thought there is a right and wrong way to hold a burger!? And good point, if an infant can get it right, why can’t the rest of us?

  88. HI! Can I just say that atleast the Wendy’s guy made hold of his burger? Hahaha I don’t know. Maybe I just don’t know the table manners & etiquette & so on, but burgers do not appeal pleasant & delicious to me when people use fork and knife, especially during the most inappropriate time (e.g. not fine dining). 😦 Haha Anyway, nice post! I love burgers. πŸ˜€

  89. Of course the Wendy’s guy isn’t doing it right, it’s an imaginary hamburger. No hamburger I’ve bought at Wendy’s ever looks as pristine and perfect as the one in that ad. Or any ad.

  90. well i guess i hold my burgers better than the wendy dude, a bit better than the kid as well only depends on the burger size but in cases of that internet dude i just laugh over them grapa napkin and eat the damn thing till my hands taste exactly the same

  91. Very funny! Does this apply to vegetarian burgers as well? I think I look like a moron when I use a knife and fork to eat my burger, but oh well…it beats stretching my lower part of my face to the max to take a bite.

  92. Pingback: What Makes The News? | Diary Of A PHAT Kat

  93. TL;DR. has anyone figured out yet that this is how burgers are DIRECTED to be held & ~only BY ACTORS IN ADS (or non-actor gimps in real life)— so that they can show off the fake goodness? you’re all morons.

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